Shooting a film

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
1) A film director (F.D.)
2) A camera operator (C.O.)
3) A parent (P)
4) A child (C)
5) A doctor (D)
6) Four extras

SETTING:
In a colourful children’s room, a young kid is playing with his/her toys; perhaps, a train could be the major attraction. The parent is reading a newspaper.
PART I
C: Choo-choo! Choo-choo! Choo-choo! Oh! Wah! Wah! (Crying)
P: What’s wrong, sweetheart?
C: I have a horrible bellyache, wah!
P: Oh, dear! Poor child, let me take you to bed.
C: Wah, ah, ah!
P: Don’t cry, darling. (Talking to himself/herself:) I must call for a doctor. (Dialling) Hallo, is that you, doc? Yes, please, I’m Mr(s) Hopkins… my little boy/girl is aching all over. Can you come right now? Phew, thank goodness!
C: Wah, ah! (Still crying) I’m going to die!
P: Don’t be silly, (name), the doctor will be here in a minute… (Sound of a doorbell)
D: (Entering) Hello!
P: Hello, eventually, doc!
D: What’s the matter, Mr(s) Hopkins?
P: My child has had an awful pain…
D: Ok, let me see… Well, I’m afraid I badly need to perform an emergency operation on (name). There’s no time for him/her to be taken to hospital, so I must do it here.
P: Oh, do quickly, doc, save my child!
D: (Taking out a syringe) Don’t worry, it won’t hurt.
D: (After a while) I’m sorry, sir/madam; the operation has been successful but the patient died.
P: Aaah!
(ENTER the extras to carry the corpse)
PART II
F.D: Cut! That’s unacceptable.All actors: Why?.. Hey, what do you mean?
F.D: You’ve been all playing too quickly. You must play more slowly. Can you understand? MORE SLOWLY. Back to your places! So, is everyone ready?All actors and actresses: Yes, yes.
F.D: All right, let’s start then!
C.O: Excuse me, sir/madam; I’ve got something to tell you.
F.D: Not now, just shoot and take care not to miss anything.
C.O: But how...?
F.D: Oh, stop hassling me and do your work properly.(Play PART I again but extremely slowly)PART III
F.D: Cut! That’s unacceptable.All actors: Why?.. Hey, what do you mean?
F.D: You’ve been all playing too slowly. You must play more quickly. Can you understand? MORE QUICKLY. Back to your places! So, is everyone ready?All actors and actresses: Yes, yes.
F.D: All right, let’s start then!
C.O: Excuse me, sir/madam; I’ve got something to tell you.
F.D: Not now, just shoot and take care not to miss anything.
C.O: But how..?
F.D: Oh, stop hassling me and do your work properly.
(Play PART I again but extremely quickly)
(Play PART II again)
(Play PART I at a normal pace)
PART IV
F.D: That’s it! Congratulations!All actors: Hooray! Thanks, boss! We’re top!
C.O: Excuse me, sir/madam; I’ve got something to tell you.
F.D: Ok, you can talk now.
C.O: I’ve forgotten to put a film in the camera!
F.D. and everybody else (shouting angrily): What?! We’ll beat you!
The End